There’s this existential dread That is seeping in This--- Pressure building Like a shaken soda can Whispering the fizzles Of the explosion about to burst Before the whistling Of hydrogen gas escaping. I never seem to be short of advice Of how to grow up right. Each rule for perfection Wrapped up tight in contradiction. To be caring but not a doormat. To read the news but not let it bring you down To love yourself but always be working on you To be skinny but not care about the weight To get a degree but not go into debt. Check one off the list only to put it right back. Can’t have one without the other. Sweeping out the dust and removing the clutter With the help of therapists and antidepressants Only to stack new worries on the shelf Through one more ball into the air of this juggling act. One ball for caring about appearance, another for lack of vanity. One for being helpful and another for setting boundaries. Hold two in each hand, and still find seven up in the air. It’s like attempting to cap that shaken soda can. Catch the balls that fall-- Try to distinguish if they’re glass or plastic. Mix metaphors The same way most of these rules hold each other taut An elastic force creating the tightrope on which I walk I can’t be jaded Too loud Or too weird. I have to walk 10,000 steps, And work 40 hours each week, And never miss my Duolingo Streak. These are the best days of my life When I should be putting myself out there But every self-help book claims I need to focus on my career. Do I even want a career? Because this juggling act seems like enough as is A career would be like throwing the balls in the air Hopping on a unicycle Like a Barnum and Bailey’s second act Look here! Watch this Twenty-Something do it all! Unicycle toward her career while juggling each and every trait twenty-three years in this society could create to be the model person. But this juggling act feels like mentos in a soda bottle Shaken and freshly taken out of the freezer. Ready to explode as the plastic and the glass come raining down Because this Barnum and Bailey’s act is destined to drown.
